And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize