easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
