my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
