Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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