The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Welp...herpes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
