There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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