I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
