i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
