you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
