Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize