I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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