some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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