Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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