walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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