I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize