If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
