I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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