well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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