so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
