Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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