i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
