It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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