I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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