I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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