she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
