Your dad touched me again.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize