i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would fuck him just for his dog
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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