why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize