Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
did you just send me my own nude
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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