when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
