Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
