I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
