This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
