You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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