I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
