I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
