belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
