we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize