Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
