Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize