no. you can't hotbox the world.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
