Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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