you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They are going to name an STD after you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
