I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
