If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
