Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
