She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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