i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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