Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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