she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i dont even know how to be here
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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