So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize