bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
