why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
