you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
