he thought i was a dude.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
