We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
