remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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