not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
