Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just cut my nipple shaving
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize