fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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