i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
