I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
