there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
