I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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