dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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