How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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