so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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