toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
