what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
