How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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