May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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