I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
