when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize