I look better un-naked...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
