would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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