I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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