I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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