My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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