So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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