She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
