I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Randomize
