Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
