If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
